Real or Not Real?
by Toadmiffle
Summary: Peeta and Katniss grow back together after the war. It isn't an easy journey, Peeta still struggles with the effects from his hijacking and Katniss is reeling in the lives lost from the war. Can the two help each other out or will the star crossed lovers fall apart for good?
1. Chapter 1

_Peeta saved my life. No, he stole my freedom. The one thing I still had a choice in was my death and he stole that from me when he crushed the nightlock under his boot. My trial's over. I've been found not guilty. They think I've lost what little sanity I had left. They're keeping me in the Capitol which I hate. I want to go home. I've been told that 12 has started rebuilding._

 _I've been kept in this hospital room for weeks, isolated from the world from the fear that I may kill again. They say my burns haven't healed yet but there trying to set up mental supports for me. I want out. I want- no, need fresh air. I miss seeing the-_

There's a knock at my door and I look up from my journal which I'm forced to write in. One of the nicer nurses, Clara, is in my doorway. "Peeta's asking to see you."

"Do I have to see him?" He's slowly been recovering and I'm scared him seeing me might set him back or send him into an episode. . . .

"You don't have to do anything, Katniss. You aren't in prison," she frowns slightly.

"Then why is my door always locked?" I hiss.

"You know that's for you safety as well as for the safety of others," that's the same answer I get every time.

"How is he?" The thought suddenly pops into my mind. I haven't seen him in quite a while.

"Come and ask him for yourself," they can't be too concerned about my state of mind as the nurse walks out leaving the door open. I could run if I wanted but where would I go? I follow her out, down the hall.

Peeta's hospital room is different than mine. The only furniture he has is a bed and a one way mirror across from the bed means he's always under watch. As I walk past the adjacent observation room I see a doctor and someone else quickly jotting down notes. A guard stands by the door in case things get out of hand which hasn't happened in quite a while. I grab the door handle to find it's already unlocked. I enter to find him on the bed, tying ropes in a knot like Finnick used to do. _Finnick_. A pain shoots through my chest but I ignore it the best I can. I notice that the piece of rope is fairly short, not long enough to wrap around a neck. He looks up at me but finishes his knot before speaking.

"I didn't think you'd come."

"I don't have anything better to do. I'm as much trapped here as you," he sets the rope aside and pats the bed beside him.

"You can sit down if you want although I understand that I'm not the most. . .stable person to be around. The doctors told me I needed to interact with you though." I walk over and sit on the bed, leaving him a bit of room still.

"How are you feeling?" I really look his face over. He has dark bags under his eyes. He probably hasn't been sleeping well, we both suffer from terrible nightmares. Without him I find no relief.

"Better. The doctors are trying a new medication to keep me relaxed," he slowly slides his hand onto mine and smiles when I don't pull back.

"That's good."

"There's something I want to ask you . . . but you don't have to agree if you don't want to," he adds quickly.

I nod, "Anything I can do to help," he's silent for a moment.

"Will you stay with me tonight- like a sleep over? I've cleared it with my doctors and was thinking that if you stayed with me the-"

"Nightmares won't be as bad?" He quickly nods, looking relieved that I understand. "I still get them too. Maybe we'll both get a better sleep," I gently squeeze his hand.

"They'll be people watching the entire time so if something goes wrong or if I-"

"I'm not worried about it, Peeta. I trust you. I know you'd never try to hurt me. Sometimes you get bad flashbacks and I don't hold that against you. What you went through- nobody should have to endure."

He nods, "It's just, every time I come back and find out that I've hurt you, I- I feel like I'm a monster. Like I'm the mutt."

"Shh, none of that. You're trying your best and I'm proud of you for that. I'll go grab my things and be right back," he smiles, a genuine smile, which I haven't seen on a long time and nods his head excitedly. He looks like a kid on Christmas morning. I don't think he thought I'd agree to stay.

I scurry back to my room and grab a set of pyjamas and my toothbrush, which is just about all my possessions. The nurses don't look at me twice. I've been accustomed to their constant eye and they've become used to my strange behaviours. I hurry back to his room and throw my stuff on the floor. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, they bring me my food. Still don't trust me to be around large crowds of people," poor Peeta, it's clear that the isolation is getting to him.

"Well, I'm eating with you today," he smiles again, looking thrilled to have company for once. There's a knock at the door and a man walks in with a tray.

"Evening, Peeta."

"Evening, what do we have tonight?"

"Lamb stew, one of your favourites I do believe," something changes in Peeta, like a switch is flipped and the smile is gone from his face.

"I'm not hungry, I don't want it," his voice is on the edge of hysteria.

"Peeta, you know the rules- if you don't cooperate you aren't allowed visitors," this seems to be a frequent discussion between the pair. Maybe this is why I've only now been allowed to see him.

"I don't want it!" He yells and I'm taken back. It's one of the few times I've ever heard him yell.

"Peeta, hey, look at me." I gently grab his face and turn it towards me. "It's alright, I'm here."

"I don't want it! Make him get rid of it!" I motion for the man to put the food down and he walks out slowly, not wanting to get involved. I gently run a hand over his cheek. I wrack my brain, trying to think of what's set him off but nothing stands out.

"What's wrong with the food?" I hope he doesn't lose what little control he has left. He mutters something about the games and that's when I remember, we were sent lamb stew in our first Hunger Games.

"You trust me, real or not real?"

"Real," he says softly his face contorted as if he were in pain.

"Okay, then close your eyes."

"What? Wh-"

"Shh, you said you trusted me," he swallows nervously but closes his eyes and his face relaxes. I rest a hand on his leg to let him know that I haven't left. I grab the bowl from the tray, carefully taking a spoonful of the lamb stew and guiding it to his mouth. He apprehensively swallows. "Was that alright?" He nods, keeping his eyes closed. It's precious to see him so trusting of me when only a few weeks ago he was trying to kill me.

Spoon by spoon, he slowly eats the entire meal with my coaxing and reassurance. I put the bowl back on the tray and lean in to kiss him. I can feel his lips forming a smile and as I pull back his blue eyes open up, once again calm.

"Thank you," his words are soft. So soft I barely hear him but the message is clear. I smile and nod, showing him that what I did was nothing extraordinary.

"Are you tired?" He hesitates, not wanting to disappoint me but I can tell he his. "Why don't we go to sleep early? I'm tired too," he smiles and once again thanks me. I quickly change into my pyjamas and brush my teeth before laying down beside him. He apprehensively drapes his arm over my shoulder and I pull it closer. "It's alright. You don't have to be scared."

"Thank you. For everything. Helping me eat and agreeing to stay with me. I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too." He smiles and looks down at me. He leans down, gently placing a kiss on my lips.

"Night."

"Night." The lights go out and we settle into each other's arms, safe and sound.

The nightmares stay away but strange dreams still plague my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and feel Peeta in my arms still. I pull him close and smile at his familiar scent. I must fall back asleep because the next time I open my eyes light has begun to fill the room. I don't think Peeta has had as peaceful night as I have because I turn to see him tensing his muscles in his sleep and muttering the word no over and over.

"Shh, Peeta. Hey, it's okay. I'm here, you're safe." I rub his back, trying to bring him back to the real world. He sits up quickly, gasping for breath and looks over at me. "It's alright, you're safe," I give him a reassuring smile. "What was happening? What did you see?"

"They had you." It doesn't take long for me to figure out who they is, the Capitol.

"It's alright, they don't. I'm here with you and we're both safe."

"The Capitol tortured me, real or not real?"

"Real," I safe softly. I wish he could forget that.

"Snow is dead, real or not real?"

"Real. He can't hurt anyone anymore. Things are going to be different now," I pause to let my words sink in, "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?"

"I don't know. I'll just have more nightmares."

"You need to sleep, Peeta. I can tell just by looking at you that you're exhausted." I sigh softly then come up with a plan. "How about I go get us a snack?"

"Food made by the great Miss. Everdeen? How can I say no to that?" He smiles and I exit the room and knock on the door to the watch room, I'm assuming somebody's still up. I'd be a bit concerned if no one was. One of the nurses who often is in charge of Peeta pokes his head out.

"Yes?" I tell him my plan and he helps me put it together.

I return to Peeta with a tray of fruits, the things we couldn't afford back in 12. I place the tray on the bed and grab a piece of something they call watermelon. "Dig in," he smiles at me and immediately grabs some blackberries and raspberries. After a few bites the smile disappears.

"These taste funny," he's figured this out before and I'm sure he will again that I've snuck sleep syrup into his favourite berries.

"Lay down," I gently push him back, against the pillow.

"What did you do, Katniss?" He's scared, the nurse told me that they've tried to give him sleeping medications but it just turns into a battle and they quickly give up. "Katniss?!" He repeats my name, more frantic.

"You trust me, right?"

"Real." He nods.

"Then you know that I'd never hurt you." I pull the covers up to his neck and sit beside him, "I'm right here with you. I'm not going to leave. We're going to see if this will help you sleep."

"You drugged me?!" He tries to sit up but the drugs are already taking over.

"Shh, I'm right here. It's ok, you're safe." I rub his cheek as he quickly loses consciousness. His face is much more relaxed, he looks younger like he should. I ruffle his hair before snuggling up beside him.


	2. Chapter 2

I feel the bed moving and I realize that Peeta must have woken up before me. Will he remember what happened? Should I tell him if he doesn't? I open my eyes to see his light blue ones looking down at me. "Hey."

"What happened last night? I actually feel refreshed and can't remember if I had any nightmares or not."

"Uh, well-"

"Don't lie Katniss, I can always tell," he's right, he can always tell. This was the exact same problem I had in our first hunger games when he wouldn't let me leave to get the lifesaving medicine he so desperately needed. I ended up drugging him with the sleeping syrup.

"I might have given you some sleeping syrup," I bite my lip, waiting to see how he reacts. He takes a second to compose himself before responding.

"Did I know it was going to happen?" he already knows the answer but wants me to confirm it.

"No," he nods, "The doctors told me that you wouldn't let them give you anything and you looked exhausted. I had to do something," I explain, trying to save my own skin now. In the moment I had only thought about his wellbeing, not how he would react to it in the morning.

"Thank you," I look up at him, his words surprising me, "When I was being held prisoner, they would inject me with, well, I don't even know what and when the doctors here came in with a needle I thought the whole thing was happening all over again. Like maybe us winning the war was just a drug induced dream or something. I thought I was going to be hijacked again."

"Peeta . . . why didn't you tell anyone?" I'm surprised that he's telling me so much of his Capitol experience. The people watching us are probably madly writing down every word.

"I don't know, I try to forget the whole thing," I rub his back.

"We can't change the past, but we can look to the future and be excited for what's to come," he nods and a nurse walks in. Peeta must be used to this because he lifts his arm up so the man can secure some cuff to it and sticks a thing to the end of his finger.

"How did you sleep?" The man scribbles down the numbers from the machine attached to Peeta.

"Good, for once."

"That's good to hear. Your breakfast will be up shortly and I just have to run and get your medications," He pauses, "Could we try doing an injection and blood draw today, Peeta? The medications should be more effective through an injection and we also need to do some follow up blood work," Peeta swallows nervously and I nod at him. He has the power to make decisions once again and no matter what he decides, I will support him.

"If Katniss can stay," the man nods.

"Of course. I'll be back in a moment to do that." He wheels the machine out of the room. Peeta tenses up, already stressed about what's to come.

"It's alright, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I won't let them hurt you." He nods, I don't think he trusts his voice at the moment. Soon a team of nurses walks in, it looks like they're ready for a fight. Hopefully that doesn't happen. The man from before rips open an alcohol wipe and clears a spot on Peeta's upper arm. He flinches and I squeeze his hand reassuringly "Look at me, Peeta," he turns and looks at me and I can see the panic and fear in his eyes.

"Small poke," I see him flinch as the needle goes in and relaxes as it comes out. I smile at him.

"I'm so proud of you," he smiles at my words and the man puts a bandage over the small injection site.

"We're going to take some blood now, Peeta," he nods and the nurse tightly secures a band around his upper arm, "Make a fist please," he does and his entire arm shakes with fear of what's to come. The nurse gently taps his arm, searching for the vein. He pulls out a needle and Peeta begins to panic.

"Is that a tracker? I don't want a tracker!"

"It's not a tracker, I wouldn't let them do that to you. Just focus on me," his eyes meet mine and his fear seems to recede a smidge.

"Little poke," the nurse inserts the needle and Peeta whimpers but doesn't resist. I rub his cheek and the man is soon done.

"Good job, Peeta. Would you two like to go for a walk?" The question completely takes me by surprise. He's allowing us to go outside?

"You promise I won't bleed out?" I smile as Peeta's sense of humour returns, for however briefly. The nurse smiles and shakes his head.

"I promise you won't."

"Alright."

A few minutes later, the two of us are out walking the Capitol streets. We've been told to stick to this block as it's been deemed safe. We must be back to the hospital in an hour. We turn left out of the hospital. The tall, shiny Capitol buildings still take my breath away. The street is empty, the rebels are still organizing the Capitol people, not all of them are happy about losing the war. We're about to turn the corner when something catches Peeta's eye and he stops, frozen in place.

"Peeta?" I try to find what he's staring at and it crosses my mind that he might just be seeing a hallucination, "Not real, Peeta. Not real." I reach out to him, realizing my mistake too late. He grabs my arm and whips me into a nearby wall. Stars flash before my eyes and when my vision finally returns I find Peeta standing over me, preparing to deal the final blow.

His hands hesitate, hovering over my neck, "Please, Peeta," I feel so weak, begging for him to spare my life. I hear boots thumping towards us but don't dare turn my head in case Peeta takes the opportunity to snap my neck.

"You're a mutt," he states simply.

"No Peeta, no. Not real. Not real," it's all I can do to try and delay my death. Peeta suddenly screams and I realize he has a needle sticking in his neck. I feel hands fly to my neck and I fear that in his last remaining seconds he's going to take my life but instead of a feeling of suffocating I feel a sharp stab, like a bug has bitten me. I go to swat it away only to find myself in the same situation as Peeta. The needle is removed and my eyes already feel heavy. Peeta collapses on his side and I soon follow.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to mayhem. Alarms are blaring and I hear people run past my hospital room.

"Code red," says a voice over the announcement system. Code red, what does that mean? Thousands of awful thoughts plague my mind. Is there a killer running rampant? Is somebody dead? I force myself to sit up, fighting off my fatigue and watch a team of medical staff run down the hall in the opposite direction as before. They're pushing a bed with a person on it, although the person looks familiar it takes my hazy brain a minute to put things together.

 _It's Peeta. The code red must be for Peeta._

I jump out of bed and stumble down the hall in the direction they were taking Peeta, "Peeta!" A few nurses who are standing in the hall look my way and whisper to each other, "What's wrong?" I demand from them. They look to each other, deciding what to tell me, "Tell me!"

"He tried to kill himself," the woman's words are soft and I fear I've heard them wrong but I know deep down that isn't the case. I wish it was.

"Where is he?"

"In surgery," I don't know what to say, what to do.

"What did he do?" My brain isn't working right now, overwhelmed by everything going on.

"He hung himself with his sheet."

"Is he going to be alright?" The words slip out before I can stop them but I'm scared for the answer.

"They think so, they got to him quickly. They just took him into surgery to see the extent of the damage," I nod, feeling numb.

"Can I see him?" I already know the answer but I have to ask anyways.

"When he comes out of surgery."

"And what am I supposed to do till then?!" I hiss, my temper flaring. These are the situations I hate the most, the ones where I'm helpless to do anything and just have to wait around.

"Go to your room, rest like you should be. We'll alert you to any news," how can she remain so calm?

"How the hell am I supposed to go rest when my best friend is dying?!" I snap. The woman looks over her shoulder and nods to somebody, probably signaling to security that they're going to have to drag away the crazy Katniss. Another nurse, I recognize her as the one who did Peeta's bloodwork, walks over. Her name tag says her name is Willow.

"You need to go back to your room, Miss Everdeen," I hate how she sounds so calm.

"I can't. I have to be here for Peeta."

"You can wait in your room, you can't stay in the hallway."

I shake my head, "I need to be here." The two nurses look at each other.

"Katniss, either you go back to your room willingly or by force. Which is it going to be?"

"Please don't, please," we all know they're going to have to use force. Willow turns to the other nurse.

"Go get Mark," she nods and hurries down the hall.

"Who's Mark?"

"Last chance, Katniss. Go to your room," I straighten up and shake my head. I'll go down fighting. The nurse returns with man by her side, Mark I'm guessing. He's pushing a bed and a needle lies on top of a neatly folded blanket.

"I need to be here for him!" they're done listening to me and push me down onto the bed. Mark stabs the needle into my arm and I flinch away. They lay me down on the bed and throw the blanket over me. When did I become so weak? When did I lose my fight? They wheel me down the hall and I watch the lights overhead, each one getting dimmer then the last until there is no light left.

"-niss. Katniss," my eyes slowly open but close when the light in the room proves to be too much. In the brief second they're open I recognize Clara sitting on the side of my bed. She now knows I'm away so she talks, "Peeta's out of surgery." I try to form a reply but my face muscles haven't awoken yet, "I'm taking you to see him," she helps me into a wheel chair which I would normally object to but in my drugged state I doubt I could make it 10 steps.

His room is close to mine so it's a short trip. He's still asleep from the anesthetic and a crisp white bandage is wrapped around his neck, preventing me from seeing how bad the damage is. I'm not sure I want to. I go to grab his hand when I realize the restraints are back. I lay my hand over his, hoping to offer some comfort. Clara tells me she'll be back in an hour to return me to my room, will he even have woken up by then?

After about fifteen minutes he begins to stir, "Peeta?" My voice has returned to me thankfully. His eyes open but they're clouded over and look more grey than blue. He tries to sit up and panics when he can't, held down by the restraints, "Shh, you're ok. I'm right here," tears appear in his eyes and I wonder what I've done wrong to upset him.

"Peeta please, you need to calm down or they'll make me leave," the monitor attached to him shows his heart rate has increased and if he doesn't lower it a doctor is sure to come running. This seems to settle him slightly. Is he able to talk? Is he allowed to? I remember when Peeta strangled me, I wasn't allowed to talk for days and when I was finally allowed I still couldn't form words. He tries to speak but nothing comes out. From the way his lips move I can't tell he just apologized to me. What's he sorry for? Almost trying to kill me? I wonder if he even remembers the incident. Maybe he's sorry for trying to kill himself.

"Shh, just rest. I'm here with you," he understands my instructions and but keeps his eyes open, focused on me, "What?" He mouths the words beautiful and I feel my face turning red, "I love you," I say the words impulsively, not thinking of the effect they may have on him.

 _"_ _She has no idea. The effect she can have."_

It's then that I'm thankful for the restraints. He struggles and pulls at them, desperate to get free. His mouth is open but if he's screaming no sound is coming out. "Somebody help!" In that moment I'm terrified of Peeta. The first doctor arrives and pushes my wheelchair to the back of the room. They do their best to calm Peeta without having to sedate him but since he has no way of communicating that's what they end up doing. His struggles soon cease.

I feel useless, I came to try and comfort him but all I ended up doing was setting him off. Clara takes me back to my room and I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I have an idea for how to communicate with him but I have to wait for him to wake up. The doctor said he shouldn't be out long, he gave him a small does and should be waking up in two to four hours. Will they even let me visit him again seeing as I've already caused him so much trouble?

What was it that set him off? Me saying I love him? Will I ever be able to say those words to him again? I can't sleep so I might as well spend my time with Peeta.

I creep down the hall back to his room, my legs still shake but I manage the trip. His door is shut and I slowly open it. He looks so peaceful while he's sleeping. I wish he always looked so relaxed. I move a piece of hair from his face and hold his hand. His breaths are slow and even, unlike before when he was panicking. How can I comfort him? I think back to Prim which sends a wave of pain through me.

 _I sang to her._

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow. A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head, and close your eyes. And when again they open up, the sun will rise. Here it's safe, here it's warm. Here the daisies guard you from every harm. Here your dreams are sweet, tomorrow brings them true. Here is the place where I love you," sometime during my song I had shut my eyes and I open them to find his blue ones staring at me. I nearly scream, he shouldn't be awake yet.

He smiles and says something but it takes me a minute to figure out his words. _I love you._


	4. Chapter 4

He said he loves me. I don't know how to reply so I don't, we simply stare at each other. After a few minutes I break the silence, "I thought of a way for us to communicate. I can ask you a question and you can blink once for yes and twice for no. Sound good?" he blinks once, understanding, "Okay, umm do you feel alright? Are you in any pain?"

I find out that yes he feels alright and no he's not in any pain, or he just won't admit to it. He tugs on his right arm, asking for it to be freed I assume. I reach under the bed and undo the latch that is keeping him prisoner. I let out a breath of relief when an alarm doesn't go off. He reaches over and grabs my left hand, squeezing my hand gently. I smile at him. He looks at something past me and his eyes widen, what now? I turn to see two nurses watching through the window on the door.

"Just ignore them. I'm here," he looks back at me and nods slightly. "Do you remember what happened?"

 _Yes._

This might set him off but I need to tell him, "I thought I was going to lose you. After all we'd been through I thought I was going to lose you to a sheet," tears threaten to fall down my face but I hold them back, "Don't ever do that to me again," he blinks once, "Don't ever do that again."

"I won't," his voice is so weak and raspy that I barely recognize it as his own.

"Why?" hopefully he understands that I'm not asking why he won't kill himself again but why he did it in the first place.

"I hurt you," and there it is. He nearly died because he felt bad about hurting me, even though it wasn't his fault.

 _It's all my fault._

"Peeta, I'm going to tell you something and I need you to listen. To really, really listen," I pause to let my words sink in, "Whatever you do when you're in one of your flashbacks is not your fault."

"But-"

"Shh, you shouldn't be talking. Just rest," his talking ceases but he continues to just watch me. Is he still upset over what happened? What he did or should I say nearly did? I try to put myself in his shoes. If I had nearly killed him during one of my nightmares I would be devastated. No wonder he tried to kill himself, "Remember what I told you, it wasn't your fault. You need to sleep, that's how you're going to get better," I instantly regret my words. Peeta's face turns red.

"What did you just say?"

"Sleep will help."

"You said something else."

"Peeta-"

"Katniss," I sigh, we aren't going to get very far like this.

"Please, just sleep."

"I can't 'just sleep'. I just woke up."

"You need to rest."

"Can't," his voice is getting weaker the more he talks.

"Stop talking. The more you talk the longer you'll be in the hospital and we both know how much you _love_ hospitals and being confined to a bed," he huffs in annoyance and I know that I've won, for now. He rolls away from me and his breathing eventually evens out.

"What? I can't! Are you nuts?!" I'm so sick of people dictating my actions. I thought once the rebellion was over that I would be free. I see now that I was foolish.

"Katniss, please. We think this will be good for you."

"How do you know that going back will be good for me? There's nothing left! It was all bombed! I need to be here with Peeta."

"Peeta needs to stay here longer for treatment."

"How much longer?" Dr. Aurelius hesitates, can the answer be that bad?

"As long as it takes for him to get better."

"And what if he doesn't get better?"

"Who is 'he'?" Peeta opens his eyes but I have a feeling that he's been listening for quite some time, not that I would point that out to the good doctor. He sits up as he best he can, the restraints still in place minus the one on his right arm which I had freed. Do they think he's still a suicide risk? I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes, not wanting him to see me so weak.

"How did you sleep?" I try to change the topic.

"I know you were talking about me," Dr. Aurelius and I look at each other, not sure of what to do.

"They want me to return to 12," his muscles tense and I know this isn't going to go over well.

"What about me? Am I going back too?"

"You need to stay here," the doctor says, "The health care is much better here in the Capitol. You can return to 12 when you're better."

"I want to get out of the Capitol!"

"Peeta, please. Try to remain calm or-"

"Or what? You'll beat me? Drug me? Tie me up?" his voice gets louder with each point, "I'm already tied down and drugged! Are you going to beat me next? You're just as bad as them! I'm still a prisoner here!" During his rant a nurse had started IV fluids, laced with sedatives I'm guessing, "I'm not free here! Nobody is! She's a mutt and nobody sees it!" His hand that I had freed earlier manages to grab my arm and pulls me down onto him. I'm not expecting to be pulled down and my face lands inches from his. He has time to spit in my face before strong hands pull me back onto my feet. A few soldiers rush in and secure Peeta's right arm as I wipe my face. The drugs seem to finally have an effect and he begins to relax. I stare at him in aww, is the boy I once loved really in there? I somehow end up to make it back to my room and throw myself onto my bed before the tears start falling. Will Peeta ever return to me or did the Capitol really kill that part of him?

I let the tears fall freely, sobs wracking my small frame. I hear a faint knock on the door and wipe the tears away, "Yes?" Dr. Aurelius walks in, a sad look on his face.

"It wasn't my idea to send you back to 12," he says softly and sits on the edge of my bed, "I'm just following orders." He pauses, "Peeta has asked to see you."

"I thought he was sleeping," did the doctors not knock him out? They just left him with his dark thoughts?

"No, we just gave him enough medication so he'd relax, we don't want him to get addicted to the drugs."

"I don't think seeing him is a good idea. I always end up setting him off."

"The first thing he did when he calmed down was ask to see you. You don't have to but this might be the last time you get to see him before you leave for 12." It's quiet as I think. Peeta just spat at me and insulted me but I remind myself that he wasn't himself then.

"Aright, since he asked," Dr. Aurelius accompanies me down the hall. Two soldiers stand behind Peeta, ready to jump in should anything go wrong. His hands have been freed which surprises me. I watch him stretch his arms out, his wrists red from tugging on the restraints. He notices me for the first time and he frowns.

"What did I do this time? Did I hurt you? I don't remember anything."

"No, you didn't," I stand in the doorway and he motions for me to come closer. I move forward and stand beside his bed. He bites his lip and I can see him struggling to ask something, "What is it?" I ask softly, not wanting to spook him.

"Can . . . can I uh, hold you?" his words surprise me. That was his big question? I nod and sit on the bed. His arms slowly wrap around me and pull me against his chest. I lean my head back on his shoulder and he doesn't seem to mind.

"Have you been crying?"

"We'll talk about it later, I want to enjoy my time with you," neither of us moves for several moments and I nearly forget the soldiers are there until one moves to scratch his arm. Peeta leans over and places a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"That was alright, real or not real?"

"Real but it was better than alright, it was very nice," he pulls me closer and I can feel his heart beating fast in his chest. I can feel his chest rise and fall with his breathing. He smells familiar, like cinnamon mixed with the outdoors.

"Please don't go," his pleading tone breaks my heart.

"I don't want to, but I have to. I'll be waiting for you though, for when you're ready."

"You love me, real or not real?" he pulls back to look at my face. I hesitate, how do I feel about him?

"Real," he smiles and kisses me again, this time on the lips. We hold each other for a while before Clara tells me I need to return to my room to pack and I feel Peeta tense in my arms, "I'll see you soon," I give him one last kiss before walking out, not daring myself to look back or dare breaking down.

Another short chapter will be posted tonight! Please follow and review, they really inspire me :)


	5. Chapter 5

I've been here for two weeks alone. Without _her_. I miss her and want to see her. I've only had a few setbacks. The worst was when I had a really bad flashback where I had gone on a rampage through the hospital. A few nurses and doctors were injured and soldiers had to be called in to return me to my room. I still didn't calm down and they ended up giving me sleep syrup. The worse part about the whole incident is that I don't remember it. Nothing. Dr. Aurelius had to tell me what happened. I apologized to everyone I had hurt, I felt awful. Still do.

Dr. Aurelius says I can go home soon, to 12. It's easy in the Capitol, I'm kept in a controlled environment and I stick to a schedule. I also don't live twenty five yards from the girl who plagues nightmares, sleeping and awake.

I worry about going back, what if I hurt her? What if I do worse? Would she forgive me? More importantly, would I be able to forgive myself?

 **Just to clarify this is from Peeta's POV. Like the change or stick with Katniss? Let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

It's been just over two weeks and I'm lonely. Greasy Sae comes over at least once a day to make sure I'm still alive. She cooks for me but I haven't been eating. I haven't been doing anything really. Buttercup showed up a few days after I did and, nearly giving me a heart attack. He walked around the house looking for something, _someone_ more likely. We've been getting long better than before, we both lost a family member. We comfort each other as best we can.

One night I'm awoken from my nightmare by the sound of someone heaving with effort. I groan and drag myself out of bed, expecting to see a drunk Haymitch throwing up outside. However, my jaw drops when I look out the window. Peeta is at the side of my house digging holes. There is a wheelbarrow beside him that holds bushes of primrose plants.

He's planting primrose.

I quickly get dressed and make my way out to him before I can change my mind. I watch him from my front porch as he wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead. After a minute of resting he looks up, finally noticing me. Neither of us is sure what to say and both opt to stay silent.

"It's, uh, nice to see you," his tone tells me the opposite of his words but I offer him a small smile and nod in response. I hurry back to my room, suddenly overwhelmed by his presence. Is he going to follow me? In my panicked state I look around for a place to hide. I run up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I run into my room and hurry into the closet. I jump in and let the clothing conceal me. I let the tears fall freely once I'm concealed from the outside world.

I'm not sure how much time passes, an hour maybe? Two? I hear the front door open and I force myself to be quiet. I don't want to be found, "Katniss?" The voice belongs to Greasy Sae, "Katniss, where are you?" I hear the front door open again and hold my breath. Is it Peeta? I'm not ready to see him again yet, "Haymitch I can't find her." Not Peeta then. Good.

"I'll look upstairs, you stay down here." Loud footsteps give Haymitch away and he comes into my room. I'm sure he know that I'm in the closet and is just pretending he doesn't know. He rummages around my room before opening the closet door to find me squinting at the bright light.

"Sweetheart, why are you in here?" He kneels down in front of me. I can't form words.

"Haymitch?" The voice is stricken with fear but it doesn't belong to Greasy Sae. It's Peeta. He's in my house.

"Upstairs," Haymitch calls and I hear Peeta's uneven footsteps on the stairs. He appears in the doorway of my room.

"Katniss. . ." he says my name slowly, like he isn't used to saying it. He looks around my room and suddenly freezes.

"Peeta?" Haymitch stands up, blocking Peeta from me and also blocking my view.

"She's a mutt! She'll kill us all!" he runs at me but Haymitch blocks him. Haymitch gets tackled to the ground as I cower in the closet. A punch to his nose puts him out of action as it starts to bleed profusely. Peeta grabs me, yanks me from the closet and throws me to the ground. He sits on my abdomen and pins my hands above my head.

"Not real Peeta. It's not real."

"Be quiet!" I can't tell the good Peeta is struggling to come back. His hands manage to stay off of my neck, for now.

"Peeta, no!" Haymitch ignores his bleeding nose and wrestles to get Peeta off of me. He grabs a few pf my shirts which are lying on the ground and somehow ties the delusional Peeta to the chair. "Katniss- Leave. Now." Haymitch tells me sternly but I just lay there, frozen in place by the horror. He struggles against his bonds but Haymitch makes sure he doesn't go anywhere. He screams and the awful sound forces me to flee.

"I'll find you! I'll find you and I'll kill you mutt!"

 **Another Short Chapter will be posted tonight**

 **Please leave me your thoughts**


	7. Chapter 7

**(Peeta POV)**

"Katniss. . ." I say her name slowly, the word still feels foreign in my mouth. I look around her messy room and I wonder if she's always been this messy. The pearl I gave her in the Quarter Quell sits on her dresser.

The Quarter Quell. _Where she tried to kill me._

A voice calls my name but I'm too far gone.

"She's a mutt! She'll kill us all!" I run at her but our usually drunken mentor tries to stop me. Tries. I tackle him to the ground and a punch to the nose puts him out of commission. I causally stroll over to the quivering mutt in the closet. I pick her up and throw her back to the ground. I sit and pin her down and hold her hands above her head. She starts to plead with me.

"Not real Peeta. It's not real."

"Be quiet!" My hands hesitate to kill her. Why? She's a mutt, she needs to die!

"Peeta, no!" Haymitch has gotten over his bloody face and pulls me off of the mutt-no- Katniss. The next thing I know I'm tied to a chair and Katniss is running from room like her life depends on it, which in one sense, it does.

"Where are your meds?" Haymitch puts his face close to mine and I squirm uncomfortably.

"I don't want them," he's going to poison me just like the Capitol did. No, I won't let him.

"Where. Are. They?" I twist my head around, straining in the chair. The good part of me wrestles with the bad.

"Bathroom," I spit out. He hurries out and I try to escape but with no luck. He comes back with a needle filled with a clear liquid, he's going to poison me! He must sense my fear as he explains what he's doing.

"It isn't venom, it's from Dr. Aurelius, do you remember? It's to help calm you down." I nod slightly and he jabs the needle into my arm. I don't feel the once familiar burn that signals I've been injected with tracker jacker venom so I relax slightly. He immediately unties me and helps me stumble over to the bed. I fall down onto it, already feeling tired and confused.

There's a knock on the door and _she_ walks in.

"Can I see him?" Haymitch turns to me but I'm too tired to reply. They must take this as a yes and Katniss slowly walks over and sits on the edge of the bed but looks ready to run if necessary. I don't think that will happen as keeping my eyes open is a struggle right now. She runs a hand through my hair and, surprisingly, I find myself leaning into her touch.

"Your name is Peeta Mellark, you live in district 12. You've been in love with me since you were 5. You've saved my life countless times. The Capitol tried to take you from me but you didn't let them, you fought them off like you need to now. Come back to me."

That's when everything comes back to me. The bread, the pearl. The kiss.

"Always," I manage to say before my eyes slip shut.


	8. Chapter 8

"Always," he says and I know _my_ Peeta, good Peeta, is back. I rub his cheek and Haymitch sighs.

"Why is he sleeping? How was he able to fall asleep?" I turn to look at Haymitch for answers.

"It's something Dr. Aurelius wanted to try. Whenever he has an episode we're supposed to give him this medication, it relaxes him. He said it might put him to sleep which it did. It's supposed to help his mind settle so he can tell real from not real."

"What if he has a nightmare and can't wake up?" I scowl. Did anyone think about that?

"You can stay here and comfort him or whatever. I need to go look at my nose," it's then I remember Haymitch's injury. Blood is everywhere in the room. He strolls out and when I look over at Peeta he seems peaceful in his sleep.

The nightmares that follow must not be too bad. He holds my wrist and squeezes but the dream, or rather nightmare, is soon over and he settles. I take the time to clean the room, wiping up as much blood as I can. The last thing I want is Peeta to wake up and immediately go into another flashback.

I'm surprised by how much blood Haymitch lost. I briefly wonder if I should go and check on him but decide against it, he can take care of himself, Peeta can't at the moment. After I clean the room I sit back on the bed with Peeta, "I miss you."

He sleeps for three more hours and I don't leave his side for a minute. When he finally begins to stir I panic, should I stay with him or would it be better if he didn't see me? I don't want him to have another episode but I can't leave him. I can't abandon him so I stay by his side. His blue eyes look up at me, hazy and confused. I smile down at him, "It's alright, we're both fine."

"I'm so sorry-"

"No. Don't start that. It wasn't you."

"But what if I hurt you? I mean, what if I really hurt you one time? I couldn't live with myself- I can't. I- I'm too dangerous for you to be around."

"Wh-what are you saying?" I manage to stutter out.

"I. . . think it would be best if we didn't see each other." And there it is. My biggest fear has come true: being alone, unloved.

"Peeta. . ." There's so much I want to say, so many points I want to bring up as to why this is a bad idea but a brief part of me wonders if it is a good idea. Is it good for two mentally unstable, messed up people to be in each other's company?

"No," he says harshly, "I can't- I can't bear to think what I might do to you."

"You're getting better."

"How do you know? Because now my hands only hover about your neck instead of squeezing the life out of you? What if Haymitch isn't around next time? What if I can't control myself as well next time? I can't- won't- take that risk with you." I don't know what to do, say. Perhaps this is just some twisted dream. A nightmare actually.

"Go Katniss," go? Go where? He's in my house! "Go!" He yells and I run. Run from my past, from my hurt. From him.


	9. Chapter 9

I grab my bow and arrows on the way out of the house. I run out of Victor's Village, over the meadow that also serves as a mass grave, towards the fence. The fence will be taken down soon but the workers haven't gotten around to it yet, they're working on rebuilding houses. I crawl under the fence and keep running until I'm deep in my woods, my safe place.

It's already early afternoon and the sun is getting lower in the sky. I think about hunting but quickly dismiss the idea, I can't focus on aiming and I've made so much noise all the animals in the forest must have fled. But I'm wrong. With all my stumbling around the wild dogs that are rumoured to live in the woods have assumed I'm a wounded animal and have hunted me down. They believe me to be an easy target for supper.

I grab an arrow from my back and send it flying towards the dogs. When it misses by a couple feet I run, looking for a decent tree to climb. I can hear them behind me, snarling and growling and I'm brought back to my first Hunger Games where the mutts were chasing us. This only serves as motivation and I run faster, throwing myself against a tree and I begin to climb, forcing my muscles to pull me up. They aren't used to such a workout as I haven't been active since coming back to 12 but I manage to make it to a branch fairly far up the tree where I will be safe from the dogs.

I'm suddenly exhausted by the day's events, tired both mentally and physically. My arms ache from the effort of climbing and I want to cry over the emotional events of the day. I could fall asleep but I'm sure I would fall. At least in the games I had rope to tie myself to the branch.

I force myself to calm down and send a few more arrows down towards the dogs. None are hit but they get the point and wander off, looking for food elsewhere. I'm paranoid that they might come back so I decide to spend more time in the tree. My time, however, is short lived.

A bird lands on a branch a bit higher up than me and I think nothing of it until it opens it's beak. It's a Mockingjay and it sings Rue's four tune melody. I scream and forget I'm in a tree, forget I'm at home. It feels like I'm back in the Games and with no rope to hold me to the branch I fall.


	10. Chapter 10

I land with a loud thump and scream on impact. I hear a crack and I'm fairly sure I've broken something. I'm still for a moment before I realize I need to move, I need to get help. I roll onto my left side, a wave of pain rippling through me by the small action. I try to stand and scream when I put weight on my left ankle. When my leg was burned in the games I could put up with it but this pain- this pain is different. The pain goes through my entire body and I fall back to the ground, tears appearing in my eyes. What has happened to me? When did I become so weak? If I had the energy I could try to crawl away but I don't. I'm drained. Besides, what do I have to go back to? Peeta doesn't want me, my mother doesn't care about me and Prim. Prim is dead because of me. I have nothing. I try to get into a comfortable position but quickly give up when I feel pain no matter how I lay.

"You told her what?"

"I said it would be better if we didn't see each other," I reply calmly, unlike Haymitch.

"And how long ago was this?!" I swallow nervously.

"When I woke up so, I don't know, five hours? Six?"

"And you haven't thought to tell me till now?!"

"N-no," it hadn't at all crossed my mind to let Haymitch know about our. . . disagreement.

"Kid, she's been gone for hours! She's not in her house, she's not at mine or yours, I've asked around town and no one's seen her." I suddenly feel very worried. Why am I worried? This is what I wanted, for Katniss to stay away from me. I guess a part of me misses her, I'm not sure which part of me it is. The old Peeta, the one that wasn't tainted by the Capitol?

"The woods. She's in the woods," I look up at him, scared. He nods.

"Yes, I bet she is. I'll go to town and ask people to help us search. Are you going to come?"

"I- I don't think I should. This. . . whole thing is my fault," I look down at the ground.

"All the more reason to help fix it," he pats my shoulder before pulling his coat on and going out the door.

When I hear leaves crunching I'm sure the dogs have come to finish me off. I don't know where my bow is and I certainly don't have the strength to fight them off.

"Katniss!?" Just like that I'm back in the Games. I'm injured and the careers, joined by Peeta, are hunting me down. To kill me. I force myself to move, to use the last of my strength to crawl away. I groan and strain with the effort but I'm sure they already know where I am, they're just toying with me.

"Katniss!" They call again.

"Over here!" A familiar voice calls and a flashlight blinds me, preventing me from seeing who it is. I curl up in a small ball despite the pain. It's the only thing I can do to protect myself.

Leaves crunch beside me and I know they really have found me. I wait for the final blow to come but it doesn't.

"Katniss- what hurts?" I open my eyes to find blue ones filled with fear looking right back at me. Blue eyes that can only belong to one person. Peeta.

"What happened Kat?" Why is he here? I thought I was never going to see him again! More footsteps approach and Haymitch and some other guys who I've seen around town stand behind Peeta, staring down at me.

"What hurts, Sweetheart?" asks Haymitch.

"Everything, leg, ribs, head."

"Can you walk?"

"No," I say, sounding much too weak for my liking. Peeta lays a hand on my forehead.

"She's hot," hot? That can't be, ever since falling out of the tree I've been freezing. I didn't think to grab my hunting jacket when I ran out.

"She'll need a doctor."

"12 doesn't have one."

"Her mother?"

"She's in 4."

"Then we call her."

Peeta rubs my cheek as the men continue to bicker, "can I pick you up?" He asks softly so the other men can't hear. I want to yell at him, to tell him that no, I don't need help and how dare he ask. That I can take care of myself but I realize I can't at the moment. I nod and wince as the small movement causes me a wave of pain. He picks me up, trying to avoid hurting me further. He carries me bridal style and walks through the crowd of still arguing men.

I must close my eyes because the next time I open them I'm lying on my couch, a warm fire burns in the fireplace. Peeta's on the phone with someone.

"Ya, I have it. . . where? Oh, ok," the room is quiet and when I open my eyes again Peeta is standing over me, a needle in his hand. I scream.

 **Reviews inspire me :)**


	11. Chapter 11

I try to roll off the couch but he pins me down, there's a jab in my arm and I yelp. He talks into the phone again, what did he give me?

"Yes ma'am. . . how long will it take? . . . Ok, I'll call you back then." He hangs up and kneels beside me on the couch.

"It's ok, Katniss. It's just to help with the pain and to let you sleep. I'm right here with you. I'm not leaving," he strokes my hair caringly, "your mom's coming to help take care of you." I panic at his last statement. My mom? No, she can't come. I can't see her. I don't want to.

"No."

"No what?"

"Mom. No," I hate even calling her my mother.

"Katniss, she's the best doctor any of us know. Would you prefer a stranger take care of you?" I'd prefer to be left alone. I'd prefer to have been left in the woods. I'd prefer that I had never been the Mockingjay, that there had never been a war. It's costed so much.

A wave of fatigue hits me and I roll away from Peeta, not wanting to look at him. I'm mad at him I decide.

"I- I'm sorry what I said before. I realize that we need each other more than anything. I- I'm just so scared of what I might do to you. . ." his words trail off, whether he's stopped talking or I can't hear him anymore I'm not sure. Black spots begin to invade my vision and I feel a light peck on my cheek. The last thing I remember thinking is wishing it had been on my lips.

I watch as the fight drains out of Katniss. I sigh as I move a hair from her face. This is all my fault, if I hadn't said those things to her before she wouldn't be hurt. But what if I had another flashback and had hurt her during it? I think that no matter what I did she would have gotten hurt.

I remember the panic in Katniss' eyes as I told her that her mother was coming, why was she so upset suddenly? Haymitch told me that Mrs. Everdeen went to district four to work at the hospital and he had said that Katniss was upset. Just like when her husband died it seemed that Mrs. Everdeen was falling into a deep depression and is leaving her only daughter to fend for herself. Both of them lost something on that awful day in the Capitol but they refuse to talk about it. Refuse to grieve together. Some days Katniss pretends Prim is still alive. It probably isn't a healthy method of coping but on those days I don't have the heart to tell her the awful truth.

Her mom is coming over on the first train, she told me to keep Katniss calm and still while we wait for her arrival so that Katniss doesn't worsen any of her injuries. I can only hope that she doesn't have any nightmares in her drug induced sleep, then what would I do? I doubt I could wake her up, I might even make things worse by trying to shake her awake. I let out another sigh. Like Haymitch, I need a drink.

 **Anyone have any ideas or suggestions for the next chapter or for the story in general? Feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy your weekend guy :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys!

I'm really sorry about such the large gap between updates! I went to write today and I was staring at a blank screen for an hour. I don't want to go back and change earlier chapters since you guys seem to like it (right? Aha…) but I'm stumped. Does anyone have any suggestions for the next chapter or even the whole story in general? I'm really stuck for inspiration but wanted to give you guys an update, although I'm sure seeing the movie this upcoming Wed. will get the gears going ;) when do you guys go to see the movie?


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry for the long wait guys! :(**

"Peeta."

"Mrs. Everdeen," I extend my hand for her to shake but she pulls me into a tight hug, "I should say how sorry I am for what I've done to Katniss. I-"

"Nonsense Peeta. You make her whole that much is clear."

"But I've hurt her so much, she's nearly died at my hands."

"That wasn't you, Peeta. You would never hurt my daughter. I know that, I trust you and I think you need to have more trust in yourself." I nod slowly, pondering her words. Does she really think I'm safe for Katniss to be around or is she just trying to make me feel better because I've once again caused her daughter harm?

"Mom?" Her voice is weak but I'd recognize it anywhere. Katniss has woken up.

"I'm here, Katniss." Mrs. Everdeen hurries to kneel in front of her daughter. The two haven't seen each other in quite some time and they embrace though Mrs. Everdeen is cautious of Katniss' wounds.

"Prim-"

"I know Katniss, I miss her too." It feels wrong for me to be here while they have such a private moment so I head out and sit on the porch. Katniss had a swing installed which I sit on now.

It's sunset, my favourite time of day. I remember when there was a time I couldn't remember that, I had to ask what colour I liked best. Just one of the many things the Capitol stole from me. So many memories, my health, a leg. My sanity.

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

"I feel like it's my fault, Mom." I cry in between words.

"It isn't Katniss and you can't go on living with so much guilt on your shoulders. It's killing you slowly, I can see it. Prim wanted to be there, that I'm certain of. I'm not saying its right that she was there but she wanted to help people. She died doing what she believed in and how many of us get to say that?"

"Not a lot," I half laugh and wince when my ribs ache, "I just miss her so much."

"I know, I do too." I'm pulled into another tight embrace, "I do too. But I know for a fact this isn't what she would want of you. Your sister would want you to live your life to the fullest, that's what the revolution was about: getting our lives back."

"But so many were lost, can it even be justified?" My mom thinks before answering.

"There's no justifying what happened. No one should have died, not in the war nor the games. But the games are no more. Children don't have to fear being reaped anymore, they're free just to be kids again. Now, why don't I see how bad the damage is this time?" I appreciate the topic change.

"It wasn't that tall of a tree. . ."

"A tree? My Mockingjay fell out of a tree?" My mom laughs softly, trying to hide it.

"Mom! It's not funny!"

Peeta, being the polite boy he is, invites my Mom to stay for supper before retiring to one of the empty houses in victor's village. She agrees. Peeta is relieved to know I'm not hurt too badly, my ribs will be sore for a few days and my mom thinks I've sprained my ankle but there isn't much she can do for that except tell me to rest, something I've never been good at.

Dinner is a quiet affair, Peeta and my mother engage in small talk while I'm zoned out most of the time, repeating my mother's words over in my head,

 _She died doing what she believed in._

"What do you think, Katniss?"

"Hu?" It's a good thing Effie isn't here, I'd be yelled at for my lack of manners.

"I was just asking if you were enjoying dinner?"

"Oh, uh ya. It's great, thanks for cooking." He baked cheese buns, one of my all-time favourites, and a stew with rabbits I got hunting a few days back.

"My pleasure." Peeta offers dessert but my mother declines, saying she's too full. It reminds me of one of the parties we attended in the Capitol. A woman offered me a drink so I could throw up in order to eat more. I nearly threw up on her I was so appalled by the idea.

"I'll see you two in the morning then, try to get some rest." She heads out leaving Peeta and I alone.

"I guess I should get going too."

"No," I say quickly, "please don't go."

"I can't control myself while I'm sleeping, Kat. What if I hurt you?"

"You won't. I trust you." He mulls the idea over in his head before responding.

"Only if you promise to inject me with my drugs if I lose control. It doesn't hurt me."

"Fine," I mumble, "Go get ready and I'll meet you back here in a few minutes. I change into pajamas and pull the sheets back on my bed.

"Katniss?" Peeta yells from downstairs.

"In my room," I call down. His uneven footsteps are loud on the stairs and he slowly opens my door.

"Am I allowed in?"

"Of course you are, Peeta." I tilt my head slightly at him, "Why wouldn't you be?"

"I- don't know. . ." I climb under the sheets and pat the spot next to me.

"Come here." He hands me a needle which I put on the top of my nightstand. He takes his prosthetic off before snuggling in beside me.

"You love me, real or not real?"

"Real, always."

 **Thoughts? Ideas? When do you guys go to see MJ2?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Double update! :)**

 **Enjoy!**

Blood. Blood everywhere. My father's, my mother's, my brother's. All because of **_her_**. **_She's_** clawing at my family. Their cuts bleed sluggishly in between their anguished cries for help.

"No! Stop!" I sit up panting, clothes and sheets soaked in sweat. I look beside me and find **_her_** right there. The mutt right beside me. No! **_She_** isn't a mutt, I love **_her_**. I asked **_her_** last night and **_she_** told me real. **_She_** loves me. No. . . **_she_** killed my family. My family is dead because of **_her_**. **_She_** killed them, mauled them to death. "No!"

"Peeta?" I hate how **_she_** says my name. Part of me realizes I need to get away from **_her_** while the other part wants to reach for **_her_** , grab **_her_**. Hurt **_her_**.

"Leave!"

"No. No, I won't abandon you. What you're seeing- it's not real! It's not real, Peeta!" How does **_she_** know it's not real? How does **_she_** know what I'm seeing?!

"The drugs!" **_She_** needs to stop me, I can't control myself for much longer, my grip on reality is rapidly slipping. There's a small poke but all too quickly the pain is gone. **_She_** didn't inject the entire dose, it isn't going to work!

 ** _She_** grabs my cheeks in looks me in the eyes, "Your name is Peeta Mellark, you've been in the hunger games twice and survived. The Capitol tortured you and hijacked you but you came back to me. I love you and you love me. Come back to me!"

 ** _She_** needs to leave! The only thing I can think about is different ways to kill **_her_** , I could slowly strangle **_her_** , I could beat **_her_** with my hands and feet, I could r- no! I'd never do that to her! I love her! I would never do that to her!

"A-al. . .always."

"That's my Peeta." She slowly rubs my hair as I feel weak from the drugs. They don't knock me out this time but I am soon back asleep. Hopefully I remember to have a talk with Katniss in the morning.


	15. Chapter 15

**And another! :)**

"I could have seriously hurt you, Katniss!"

"But you weren't going to. You were in control, I could tell."

"For a few minutes! Then I started thinking of ways I could kill you, ways I could cause you pain! What would have happened if I had woken up next to your limp body? I wouldn't be able to live with myself!"

"Peeta . . . I didn't know."

"No! You don't which is why I need you to listen to me! If I say leave you run, if I tell you to inject me you do so and give me the full dosage."

"But you aren't going to get better if all I do is drug you when you have an episode. You need to be exposed, I can help you control them. Let me help you!"

"I don't want to risk hurting you." It's silent as we think over each other's words.

"Why don't you come up with a list of things you think might trigger an episode? We can expose you to those things in a controlled environment and Haymitch can be close by in case we need him to step in."

"I don't know. . ."

"At least try to write a list, even if we don't expose you to them it'll help us to try and avoid those things."

"Alright."

It takes a surprisingly long time to come up with a surprisingly short list. It reads:

-Blood (+ Katniss)

-Mockingjays

-Tracker Jackers (possibly other insects)

-Pain (especially if sudden, expected and if I bleed)

-Katniss with someone else

I hate writing the last one down, I hate admitting my jealousy about the thought of Katniss with another man but I tell myself I need to get over it. After all, why would she want to be with me? I've hurt her so much, she deserves better. So much better. I show her the list and she reacts calmly.

"Which do you think would be the easiest to tackle first?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. Not tracker jackers, I'm not ready for that. Maybe blood?"

"You could watch one day as I skin my kills from hunting?" before I can argue she continues on, "Haymitch will be watching and we'll be ready to . . . restrain you if things go badly."

"I don't know, Katniss. I'm scared of how I'll react."

"I know you are, Peeta but I really think this will help in the long run." I nod slowly.

"A-alright."

The next day Haymitch is standing behind me with a needle and handcuffs. Katniss is standing at the kitchen counter with a dead squirrel lying on it, holding a knife above, ready to cut into it when I give the word.

"Ok, I'm ready." The first cut isn't too bad. I hate the smell of dead animal and blood oozes out from the cut but I keep myself composed. The third cut is when the shiny images start to take over. I see visions of Katniss with a knife. She's the one who cut my leg, I'm missing my leg because of her. Another image is of her with a knife to my father's throat. She mocks me and laughs as she slowly slices it open.

"No!"

"Peeta?" That's Katniss. Katniss who is the love of my life, Katniss who loves me. No. Katniss who killed my family, Katniss who cut my leg.

"Peeta?" And that's Haymitch.

"Cuff me!"

"Wait Haymitch, he can hold on." I grab at my head frantically, wanting desperately for the shiny images to leave. To leave and never return. Instead of attacking Katniss I take my frustration out on her kitchen. I punch the wall, smash cupboards, shatter plates, claw at my arms. Haymitch has moved in now but I'm moving too frantically for him to handcuff me.

"Run Katniss!" But she doesn't. Haymitch gets one handcuff on me before I redirect my anger to him. "Let go of me! Don't touch me!" Katniss helps in the fight to subdue me. Why won't they just drug me? I try to run out of the kitchen only to find I'm handcuffed to the stove, I'm not going anywhere fast and that's when I break and the shiny pictures take over.

"She's a mutt! She's going to kill us all!"

"Peeta?"

"No, I won't listen!"

"Peeta look at me. I'm right in front of me and I'm not hurting you. I'll never hurt you, I love you. And you love me. What you're seeing isn't real."

"Not . . . real?"

"That's right Peeta, come back to me." I feel like I should say something to her. Like I'm supposed to say a word. She nods, encouraging me to respond. What's the word? What do I say? Ugh.

". . . always."


	16. Chapter 16

**Reminder that this story is rated T for a reason. If anyone thinks it should be raised to M please PM me. Anyways, I'm not too happy with this chapter for some reason, not sure why. What are your guy's thoughts? What do you guys think of MJ part 2? I've seen it a few times, cough. Anyway, please review with thoughts and suggestions!**

When I calm down further the pain sets in. Both wrists are bleeding from straining against the handcuffs. Katniss wanted to take them off a while ago but I convinced her against it. Better safe than sorry. I apologized for destroying her kitchen, she said nothing in return.

Haymitch has since gone home. He trusts I'm safe enough for Katniss to be around. I don't feel the same way. I'm still not in control of myself. I really thought I was getting better but when I saw Katniss skinning that squirrel my mind showed me pictures of her slowly killing me with a knife. I could feel every cut on my skin, she made my death slow. I can't let her know what I saw that day.

Since my reaction to the blood wasn't the best, Katniss wants to expose me again and again until I become desensitized. Sounds like great fun for me.

The second time we expose me to the blood, it goes worse than the first time.

I nod my head and Katniss makes the first cut. The sound sends me over the edge. It sends me into a flashback of my time in the Capitol.

 _The man makes another cut into my thigh, not too deep so I'll lose too much blood but I still feel the effects. The pain shoots through my body and I can't stop myself from groaning._

 _"_ _What do you know?" The man's voice is cold. He has no empathy for me, "Where is Katniss Everdeen?"_

 _"_ _I don't know!" He slips two fingers into the cut and I scream._

Then my vision morphs into something else. Something worse.

 _I'm in the medical room, tightly strapped to a chair. The main doctor slips the needle under my skin, pushes the plunger down on the needle and the pain starts coursing through my veins._

 _"_ _Do you love Katniss Everdeen?"_

 _"_ _No." I hiss._

 _"_ _Do you trust Katniss Everdeen?"_

 _"_ _Yes." Wrong answer as fists beat into me. I'm bruised all over, a few bones are broken I'm sure._

 _"_ _Give him more venom." Hisses one of the guards._

 _"_ _He can't handle more, it'll kill him."_

 _"_ _I have direct orders from Snow, we're to finish the hijacking and he's to be sent back soon. They want this done."_

 _"_ _He can't handle more!"_

 _"_ _Do it or I'll find someone else to do it!"_

 _Another sharp piercing pain and the pain that's surging through my veins intensifies. Is this what it feels like to die?_

"Peeta? Peeta!" No! Everything she says is a lie! I can't trust her but the thought of hurting her feels wrong too. I need to leave, I'm not safe to be around.

"Peeta!" There's a sharp pain across my face. Did she just slap me? The mutt just slapped me!

As I come back to the present time I see her kneeling in front of me, covered in blood. _My blood_. My hands reach out and grab her wrists, pinning them above her.

"This is all your fault! You did all this!"

"Peeta-" I cut her off before she can get farther. I need to finish my job, I need to kill her. I vaguely hear the door opening and my hands hesitate to move down to her neck. I need a knife. I need to finish this!

Strong hands pull me off and I flail in their grasp.

"She's a mutt! I need to finish her!" I'm pulled away from the mutt and she runs out of view, still covered in blood.

There's another sharp pain in my upper arm. Tracker jacker venom. It's happening all over!

"Breathe, Peeta!"

"I can't go through that again!"

"Shh, calm down." Things begin to blur over and I'm on the floor staring up at the kitchen ceiling. My limbs feel heavy but I'm not in pain that means I haven't been injected with venom.

"Katniss?"

"Is fine. Rest." The last thing I remember hearing is sobbing.

"This isn't your fault, Katniss. He agreed to try this out."

"But I pushed him! What if he remembers what he did? What if he hates himself? I can't lose him again, Haymitch! I can't!"

"Let's cross that bridge when he wakes up, Sweetheart."

"I am up." Katniss and Haymitch both look at me, slightly surprised, "What did I do?"

"You're up early." States Haymitch, "The drugs usually knock you out for longer."

"What did I do?" They two look at each other and I know it must be bad. "Tell me!" I mean to sound angry but my tone is more like one of fear.

"Peeta. . ."

"I had an episode, didn't I?" They both nod, "How bad was it?"

"Pretty bad, boy. I heard the ruckus and came over. I found you pinning Katniss down, you were talking to yourself. Arguing with yourself."

"Did I hurt you?" I turn to look at her but she quickly shakes her head.

"No, you stopped yourself."

"You're sure?"

"Ya."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Dr. Aurelius has come up with a new treatment he wants to try on you, but you'd need to go to the Capitol."

"Why didn't I hear about this?"

"He just called while you were sleeping."

"But. . . I can't. I can't go back to the Capitol."

 **Unless somebody absolutely loves this I seriously think I will rewrite this…**


	17. Chapter 17

"What? No, I've told you, I'm not going. . . no! No! You can't do that! You can't do that to me!" There's a loud slam and I jump. He comes stomping out of the office at the back of the house and brushes past me, "I'm going to my house. Don't come over."

"Peeta-"

"No!" He turns and snaps at me, "That's it. End of story. Stay here." He slams the door behind him.

~ ~ ~ (POV Switches to Peeta)

There's no way. No way I can go back _there_. Not after what happened to me. The memory comes at me too quickly to shake and I'm thrown into the past.

 _"_ _Peeta," his voice is eerily friendly, "You're making this much harder than it has to be. All I need is a simple answer, what do you think of Katniss Everdeen?" I bite my tongue, resisting to answer._

 _"_ _Give him another shot, we need to up the dosage."_

 _"_ _As a professional doctor I must advise against this. I-"_

 _"_ _Snow wants this finished! We're taking too long, we need to hurry up the process."_

 _"_ _What process?" My voice is weak, desperate for water._

 _"_ _None of your business." There's a sharp pain on my hand as the guard I call Muscles slaps me. There's a short, sharp pain in my arm and I turn my head to see another needle in my upper arm. A minute later the burning starts. It's been bad before but never like this, never this severe._

 _I writhe, and contort in my restraints, doing anything I can to try and make the pain go away though nothing works. Is this what it feels like to die?_

 _"_ _Katniss Everdeen is a mutt! She hates you, she killed your family, do you understand?"_

 _"_ _I. . .I must kill her."_

"Peeta!" I'm faintly aware of someone calling my name but my mind is still trapped in the past, with the pain. I thrash around on the ground, only brought back to reality by a sharp pain in my head. The last thing I remember is my name being called again.

I wake up to white, white walls, white floor, white bedding, just like in the Capitol. I'm in the Capitol. I scream and thrash and two men in white outfits come running in to hold me down, they must not want their little experiment to get injured. There's a jab and I feel myself beginning to relax.

"Peeta? You're alright, Katniss is here. Would you like to see her?"

"Y-yes." Katniss runs in and it's pretty clear that people were holding her back. She wraps me in a tight embrace and I relax at her familiar smell. Pine mixed with the outdoors. She rubs my back.

"You're safe, it must have been awful waking up and not knowing where you were." She plants a kiss on my cheek, "You're safe."

"Where?" I mean to ask where we are but it hurts to talk, am I sick? How long have I been asleep?

"The Capitol." I was right.

"No, no. We need to leave, we need to go, Katniss!"

"You can't leave, Peeta, you need to stay in the hospital. You hit your head during your episode and they flew you here on a hovercraft. You wouldn't wake up and I- I was really scared, Peeta."

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I didn't know."

"It's okay, Peeta. You didn't want this to happen. Dr. Aurelius wants to see you soon. He's worried, we all."

"What do you remember about that day, Peeta?" He of course is referring to the day where I had my awful episode, how long ago was it? It feels like just yesterday.

"Not a lot. I just know that I had a really bad flashback and I woke up here." Dr. Aurelius nods and writes something done.

"I'd like to talk about this new idea I have to try and combat your episodes."

"Go on."

"I'd like to do another counter-hijacking attempt. Do you remember that? We gave you drugs that calmed you and showed you true memories, only this time I'd like Katniss to be talking to you instead of watching videos. I think it will help to show she isn't a threat."

"Is it safe? What if I hurt her?"

"We'll make sure she's safe."'

"I really don't want any more drugs. I still . . .don't trust people. I don't like needles."

"I understand that, Peeta, but I'm very confident that this treatment will help, greatly so."

"What's wrong with my head? How long do I have to stay here?"

"You have a suspected concussion, you also had a nasty gash which a doctor sewed up. I'd say you need to stay at least a week. Maybe longer." I sigh loudly, once again I'm trapped in the Capitol against my will.


	18. Chapter 18

"Ready Peeta?"

"Ya." I don't want to do this but what choice do I have? I'm here in the Capitol, why not see if they can reverse my hijacking? It'd be great if I didn't have to live with the episodes for the rest of my life, they're draining. Before I agreed to this 'procedure', I made sure Dr. Aurelius agreed to restrain me to a bed. He had originally suggested a chair but that's where I was locked when the Capitol did the original hijacking. I don't want any harm to come to Katniss. Lock me in a chair and inject me with drugs and I'm sure to panic. The whole drug part of the treatment was sort of nonnegotiable. The whole premise of this new treatment method is built of off using morphling to relax me. Without it they don't think anything will happen, positive at least.

There's a quick pain in my arm but it's gone quickly. I wait for the searing venom begin to tear through my veins when I remind myself that that isn't happening, the doctors here truly are trying to help me get better. A wave of pleasure and calm washes over me, like a calm wave rolling onto the beach. I feel my muscles relax.

"Heart rate is decreasing, morphling has taken affect, sir."

"Very good. Peeta? Can you hear me?"

"Uh hu," I can hear him but I don't feel like talking to him. I want to enjoy this new found peace.

"We're going to bring Katniss in now, are you ready?" Katniss? Why wouldn't I be ready for Katniss? I nod my head slightly and the door beeps as it opens. I feel the bed dip down beside me and the next time I open my eyes Katniss is sitting beside me, looking down on me.

 _Looking down because she did this to you! She tied you up and is going to finish you off, just like she did with your family!_

"No!" I try to claw at my face but my hands are firmly held against the mattress by fabric restraints, "She didn't do that!" The weight on the bed shifts again and hands are on either side of my face.

"Peeta, Peeta. Look at me. What you're seeing isn't real! It's not real!"

"Katniss-" someone has said her name but I'm too far gone to care, she's a mutt and she needs to die.

The door beeps as it opens again and there's another sharp pain in my upper arm. The feeling of calm intensifies and my struggling begins to cease.

"Wheel him down to room 7, we'll try again later. . ."

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

"Where is he?"

"Katniss-"

"Where is he?!" I repeat with more force. Haymitch sighs and rubs his stubble covered face, probably wishing he had a drink in his hand.

"The doctors are taking him down to a room. They had to sedate him but-"

"This wasn't supposed to happen! This was supposed to make him better, not worse!"

"This is just a minor setback, Sweetheart. It's a work in progress."

"Where is he?" I cut in. I need to know, I need to find him, I need to be with him when he wakes up.

"He won't even be awake yet, Sweetheart. He just needs to rest."

"Please Haymitch." He sighs and points down a hall.

"Room seven." I take off running. Much like his room in district thirteen, Peeta's room has a viewing area, a space for doctors to take notes or observe him without his knowing. However, who I see on that bed is not my Peeta. The boy in the room is already awake. Awake and flailing, trying his best to escape an unknown assailant.

 **At the end, picture Peeta as he is at the end of MJ1, flailing in the bed, /3**

 **Reviews make me happy and happy me is more likely to update ;)**

 **True story!**

 **Ideas/suggestions are welcome**


	19. Chapter 19

The mutt walks in, her mouth gaping open. I've grown tired of my escape attempts and now lie still, I'm tucked in bed tight, once again held prisoner.

"Peeta. . ." she walks over to me slowly, apprehensively. Like she's scared of me.

 _Good_.

"What?" I hiss.

"Do- do you know who I am?"

What kind of question is that? Of course I know who she is, or rather _what_. She's the source of all my pain.

"You're a mutt created by the Capitol to destroy us all." She gasps and I think I see a tear fall, "No one else might understand but I do. I see you for what you really are! A mutt!"

"Peeta please. What you're seeing isn't real."

"How do you know what I'm seeing? You don't know so you can't tell me if it's real or not! You have no clue!" More tears fall. Then I see a different image, this one is less shiny which is important, for some reason . . .

This new memory is of Katniss and I in the games. Instead of the previous memory where she was the one cutting my leg in the first games, this new memory has her helping me. Why would the mutt help me? Why wouldn't she just finish me off since I'm defenseless?

She's staring down at me, awaiting for me to say something, did she ask a question, "What?"

"I asked what you were thinking."

"About the first games. Did you help me with my leg or . . .?"

"I helped," she doesn't let me finish the question, "The cut was deep and infected. I cared for you and got the medicine you badly needed."

"Then why is my leg gone?"

She hesitates, "I'm not sure, I think the damage was just too bad."

"Did you cut it?"

"No." She replies quickly, almost too quickly. By now she's only a step away from where I lay on the bed. Where I lay helpless, just like how I was in the games. Weak. Vulnerable.

She must be here to take my other leg. I can't let that happen, she's already taken my entire family.

"Get away, Katniss!" I manage to yell before I'm back into my mutt self. I only have a brief amount of time to wonder before the doctor's drugs pull me under: who was yelling at Katniss, the mutt me or the true me?

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

After I'm escorted from the room I run. I don't know where I am and I don't know where I'm going but I'm going to get there fast. I find a small closet which I crawl into. This is all my fault, everything. Peeta getting hijacked? My fault. Peeta hitting his head? My fault. Him being here and having an episode? My fault. Everything is my fault. Haymitch is right, I really could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve him.

I hear footsteps outside the closet and quiet myself, are they looking for me? They soon pause and I resume my meltdown.

~ ~ ~ (Peeta POV)

"Peeta-"

"I don't want to see any more pictures, I'm tired of it!"

"Peeta-"

"No! Stop it, leave!" Of course they won't listen, I have no power in my life. I can't even go to the bathroom without asking and being watch. I almost think I was better off with Snow.

"This isn't you, Peeta. Nothing you're saying, nothing you're doing: it's not you and it's not real." I freeze. How did he know to tell me it's not real? That's what the mutt always tells me, he must have been talking with the mutt! That explains his behaviour, she's gotten to my doctor too. Is he going to kill me? Is that why he's here? He looks at me expectantly.

"What?" I hiss, the venom clear in my voice.

"I asked if you needed anything."

"I've already told you, to be left alone!"

"Are you going to be safe?" What the hell does that mean? I'm tied to a bed, what could I possibly do to harm someone else, or even myself for that matter.

"Yah, whatever." He looks me over once more before walking out of the room. I look straight into the mirror, I look awful. How long have I been tied to this bed? My hair needs to be washed and the hospital gown on me is half falling off. I feel a presence staring back and I wonder if it's the mutt.

 **Thanks to** ** _ThatApolloKid6123_** **which gave me a suggestion which inspired most of this chapter**

 **Please review, suggestions/ideas welcome :)**

 **Next chapter is already done, when should I update. . .? ;)**


	20. Chapter 20

The nurse undoes the padded restraint on my left arm and takes the wet cloth to that arm. The hospital gown is off and a blanket covers the lower half of me but I'm past caring. The warm water feels nice on my skin, I feel clean once again. The nurse dries my left arm, guides my hand back into the gown and secures my hand back down, although not as tight as it was before.

"If I undo both of your legs are you going to try to kick me or something?" I smile and shake my head. I like this nurse. She told me her name was Jess and she's kind and gentle to me. She wears a pair of blue scrubs and her light brown hair is pulled back into a tight pony.

"No, I promise I'll be good." She smiles at me and I can just pictures the doctors going mad behind the mirror. She pulls the blanket off and at the same time pulls the gown down. She frees both my legs and I stretch them out. Jess doesn't panic at my motion and gives me time with my newfound freedom. She rewets the cloth and begins washing my legs, or rather leg. She doesn't stare at my prosthetic which I'm grateful for and simply goes about her work.

"Does that feel better?" Jess asks, looking up from my legs.

"Yes, thank you." She dries my legs and sighs.

"Well, that's pretty much my job done. Is there anything else you need?"

"Could you do my back?" She hesitates.

"Promise you'll be good?"

"Yes," I reply simply. She nods and once again frees my hands. She also undoes the strap that goes across my chest and asks me to roll over. She holds a sheet up as I do and once again lays it over me. She unties the gown and pushes it off my back.

"If you want me to stop just say so, okay?"

"Ya." The water is cool now and feels refreshing. The nightmares make me sweat and its nice to feel clean again, "Do you have to tie me back up? My limbs are sore from not moving them."

"I'll talk to your doctor and let you know."

Once I'm lying on my back again, gowned and held down she walks out, telling me she'll be back soon. I stare at the ceiling, once again I'm bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do in this room but lie here and sleep. Jess is back in a few minutes later with good news.

"Dr. Aurelius says it's alright if I leave your legs free and I can loosen your hands. Sound fair?" I nod, at least I have a bit more freedom now.

"Thank you." She undoes the restraints on my legs and slightly loosens the ones on my hand. The strap across my chest remains in place.

Jess comes to eat dinner with me. It comes on a plastic plate with a plastic spoon. No knife or even fork. There's also a cup of milk. Jess undoes my right hand and I lift the container off the container to find soup. Chicken noodle by the looks of it.

"Looks good, huh?"

"Ya." I take a sip but it's hotter than I expected and I spit it back into the bowl. Jess laughs, saying I had a funny look on my face. I can't help but grin too. The door beeps as it opens and there stands Katniss. She doesn't look well, her skin is pale and she has dark bags under her eyes. I take another sip of soup, actually swallowing it this time.

"What's for supper?"

"Soup," I reply simply, still not looking up at her.

"Can I come in?" Her words echo in my head, why would she ask such a thing?

"Why would you ask that?"

"This is your room, I don't want to intrude." I think for a moment then nod.

"Ya, sure. I have nothing better to do." She walks in slowly and pulls the remaining chair to beside my bed. She and Jess exchange pleasantries and the room is quiet.

"How's the soup?" Asks Jess.

"Good." We slip into uncomfortable silence after that. Jess excuses herself, saying she'll be right back. The doctors must trust me enough to be alone with Katniss. After all, if I really wanted I could free my other hand, undo the chest strap and grab her round the neck.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Do you want to play real or not real?" She asks gently.

"Sure," I take another sip of soup and think of a question to ask. Let's start simple, "We're in the Capitol."

"Real. You hit your head and we had to fly you into the hospital." I nod, taking in the answer.

"When can I go home?"

"I- I don't know, Peeta. Your doctor wants to retry that new treatment with you."

"I rather just get it done with so I- we can go home." Katniss nods.

"So, uh, what memory would you like me to talk about?"

"When you found me in the river, in the first games."

"Okay," she nods and takes a deep breath, "Well it was right after Rue died. Caeser had announced that there could be two victors if they were from the same district. I called out your name right after that, only realizing how stupid that was after I did it.

"I thought that you might be hurt and so I knew you would have to be near water. On my way to the main river I started seeing a trail of blood, so I followed it. After a while I thought I would never find you but then you grabbed my leg. At first I didn't realize it was you, I nearly kicked you in the head. I moved you down the river to a cave I found and cleaned out the wound."

"Who made the cut?"

"Cato, with a sword." I nod.

"That's not what happened in my memory."

"Tell me about it." I pass her the tray and she sets it on the ground.

"Aren't you scared of me? I'm not even held down."

"No, the only time I've been scared of you is when I was scared of losing you." I take a deep breath and tell her how my memory goes.

"My memory tells me that you're the one who made the cut, and then dragged me to a cave and . . . and . . ."

"And what, Peeta?" Her tone is gentle. I briefly look up at her face but look back down at my lap. I can't admit what I thought she did to me.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"I know, Peeta, but this is how you're going to get better." I let out a shaky breath.

"You hurt me." Her face remains blank and I let out a shaky breath, "I know now that you didn't but that's what the Capitol changed it to." She nods.

"I know what you mean. How can I prove to you that I'm not a threat?"

"I- I don't know. I trust you, I do." Her hand reaches out and gently touches my arm and I flinch away, "I'm sorry, really I trust you. I just wasn't expecting it."

"I want to prove to you that I'm not going to hurt you, how can I do that?"

"Umm," I look into the mirror, hoping Dr. Aurelius will come out and rescue me. No such luck. "I really don't know, Katniss." There's an extremely awkward silence as I wrack my brain, trying to come up with something to answer Katniss, "Uhh, you could stay with me overnight?"

"Is that a question or answer?"

"Question, no I mean answer." I fumble out. I doubt she'll even be allowed to stay with me.

Much to my surprise, an hour later Katniss lies beside me in another hospital bed. She insisted that I be free of restraints. We're looking each other and she gives me a small smile.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I wake in the morning having had no nightmares and in warm, comfortable arms.

 **Next two chapters are already written! Please review, happy me will update quicker and to make me happy review! :)**


	21. Chapter 21

"Katniss cut your leg."

"Not real, Cato did."

"Katniss tried to kill you in the first games."

"Not real, she thought I was helping the Careers kill her."

"Katniss is a mutt created by the Capitol."

"Not real, I'm the mutt."

"No Peeta, that's not real either. The Capitol did awful things to you and you have worked very hard to return to yourself." He takes a breath, "You love Katniss, real or not real, Peeta?"

I only hesitate slightly, "Real. Very real, Dr. Aurelius."

One day Dr. Aurelius suggest that Katniss should say every possible trigger word she can think of to see how I react. She takes that a step further and decides to yell the words at me.

"Blood! Knife! Games! Snow! Roses! Mutt! Capitol! Needles! Tracker Jackers! Venom! Bombs!" I take deep breaths the entire time and manage not to react. Dr. Aurelius is proud of me but isn't sure if I'm ready to return home yet. My physicians says I'm physically well enough to go back to 12, Dr. A isn't as convinced.

This is my third night in the hospital. Katniss stays with me now and there haven't been any major incidents. I'm on the mend but not quite there yet. Dr. Aurelius wants to do one more counter hijacking episode since the first one didn't go so well. I grudgingly agree and we plan it for the next day.

"How are you feeling this morning, Peeta?"

"Alright, doctor. Anxious to get home." He nods understandingly.

"So, today's treatment is going to be the same as the one the other day. We're going to give you a small dose of morphling and then have Katniss talk to you about some of your altered memories, sound good?"

"I guess, but I'm really not fond of needles." He laughs lightly and pats my shoulder. I notice I don't flinch this time.

"I know boy, but it's the best idea I have to help you. That's what we all want here, is to help you." I nod again and sit in the chair. The infamous chair with the straps attached send a chill through my body and I hesitantly sit down. I remind myself that this is a new Capitol, they're trying to help me.

One of the nurses begins to do up the restraints while another cleans my upper arm with a wipe that smells strongly.

"Small poke, Peeta." I nod and let out a breath as the needle goes in. The familiar wave of calm ripples over me and my muscles relax.

"Drugs have taken affect, Sir."

"Good. Give it one more minute and let's bring in Katniss." True to his word he waits another minute as I become calmer and asks if I'm ready for Katniss to come in. It's nice that he asks if I'm ready. I nod my head and in she comes.

She sits on a chair across from me, wearing a plain t-shirt and pants, "What would you like to talk about today, Peeta?" She sounds more like a doctor than the Katniss I know, or once knew.

"When did you figure out you loved me?" My words come out slowly and I pronounce each carefully. A look of shock appears on her face but she quickly masks it.

"Uh, well," she stammers out and I am suddenly fearful of her response. What if she never has loved me? No, she said she did that night, but did she mean it?

"I think I really knew when you walked into the force field. When Finnick was reviving you . . . there was a moment where I thought I might never see you again." She pauses, "Coin finally agreed to rescue you because I was falling apart and couldn't perform for her but when you got back and grabbed me- that wasn't even a possibility in my mind. I thought things would go right back to normal, that you'd be . . . well, yourself. I didn't know the extent of damage the Capitol was capable of." I nod, so she does love me?

"What about now?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you feel about me now?" She swallows.

"I can't feel about anybody that way anymore Peeta, everyone I love dies." She gets up and leaves after that leaving me in a state of disbelief. Do she admits to loving me but tells me she can't? Dr. Aurelius calls after her but has to focus on me.

"Room," I manage to say between deep breaths, "Take me to my room." I clench my fists and dig my nails into my palms. Two guards move in on me and drag me back to my room, I only struggle slightly. Once strapped to my bed I begin to flail and scream, yelling out awful things about that girl. The girl who has stolen my heart and now broken it.

 **Next chapter is already written, I'll update right away when I get 5 reviews. If that doesn't happen I'll update Wed. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

I haven't seen her since that day. I haven't seen Dr. Aurelius, I think he's working with Katniss. I've been locked in my room for a few more days now, only getting visits from Jess so she can bathe, feed or help me get up and go to the bathroom. I'm ready to go home, I'm ready for this horror to end. It's like I'm living a nightmare but I can't wake up. And what happens when I do? I will find no relief.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get back to 12. Haymitch is there but so is the girl who broke my heart and every time I see her I will be reminded of that pain. Maybe I'll move to a different district, I have nothing tying me to 12 anymore.

I'm in my room one evening, tying knots, when the door rings and Jess walks in, "You have a visitor."

"Who?" Instead of verbally responding the cause of all my grief walks in and I tense, "What do _you_ want?"

"Dr. Aurelius said I should come see you."

"Said or made?" I throw my piece of rope to the side and sit up straighter in my bed. Katniss doesn't respond, "You can't just lead people on and then turn on them!" I let my emotions out, someone needs to tell her how to be a decent human being.

"I wasn't leading you on, I just-"

"Yes you were! Kissing people and telling them you love them when you don't is leading them on!" I yell and stand up. My legs wobble slightly, they aren't used to holding me up but they manage to hold me up.

"Peeta I never said that I-"

"You made it pretty clear how you feel about me Katniss! Get out, Mutt! Get out and I never want to see you again!" Normal Peeta slips away as I turn into mutt Peeta. When she doesn't listen to my instructions and leave I charge at her. I ram into her and knock her to the ground. Jess squeals and runs off. Katniss' eyes go wide as I sit on top of her stomach, pinning her down. My hands stay at my side, not on her throat.

"I thought I told you to leave! You do you never listen!? Everything that's happened to me is because of you! I was hijacked because of you, tortured because of you!" I manage to get a few hits in to her ribs before I'm torn off. I guess Jess ran to get help, I thought she was just running in fear of her life.

"Take him to the other room." Says Dr. Aurelius calmly. Other room? What other room? The two, or is it three, guards drag me down the hall and throw me into a different room. I wait for the pain to set in as I hit a hard floor but that doesn't happen. I look around the small, white room to find all the walls, and floor, is padded and soft. I'm not sure which is worse: being tied to a bed or locked in a room, expected to tire myself out.

Their plan works as after throwing myself against the walls again and again, screaming and crying, I drop to the floor, exhausted. Jess comes in to check me over but says nothing. I briefly wonder if she's scared of me but I decide I don't care what she thinks of me.

Mutt Peeta is leaving me but it's hard to say how much of what I said to Katniss was real Peeta or mutt Peeta. I mean, did I really say anything to her that wasn't true?

A while after Jess checks me over, Dr. Aurelius comes in. He sits on the floor where I lie crumpled up and we sit in a comfortable silence for quite a while.

"Are you feeling better?" My only response is a nod, "Are you hungry?" Am I? Not really but if I want to get out of here I'm going to have to cooperate.

"I guess." He nods, gets up and tells me he'll be back with my supper. He drops my meal off and Jess sits with me while I eat.

"Does anything hurt?" Just my heart I feel like telling her.

"No, my head a bit but nothing I won't survive."

"You're sure?"

"Ya." I finish eating the sandwich and glass of milk and neatly set it back on the tray.

"Do you want to go back to your room?" I shrug and she sighs so softly I barely hear her, "Well, where would you prefer to spend the night? Here or your usual room?"

"Do I have to be tied to the bed?" I grumble.

"Um, I'm not sure but probably."

"I'll stay here." She nods and bids me goodnight. It hits me that this is the first time that I've attacked Katniss and not asked her condition afterwards. I don't think I care at this point.

 **Hope you guys are happy! Our next goal is going to be 7 reviews, you guys can do it! I have to write the next chapter but I will try to update ASAP when we get 7 reviews or probably late next week. Hope you liked this :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Warning: subtle mention of self-harm, if this is upsetting to you or bothers you, you can skip this chapter. The mention is very subtle.**

The train rocks back and forth as the train hurries towards district 12. I look out the window and watch the blur of trees as we hurry past. A bottle of pills is rocking in my bag. The pills are from Dr. Aurelius, says they might help with my hijacking. I don't think he know what to do with me anymore. I don't think anyone knows. I refused to stay in the Capitol a minute longer than necessary and here I am, on my way home. Alone.

I'm alone in victor's village, Haymitch is still in the Capitol with Katniss, or so I'm guessing. I've started packing, I've decided I'm going to move. I don't know where and I don't know when, I just know I have to leave. Nightmares wake me every night, and there's no relief in waking. My nightmares are all about this place and the people who inhabit it.

A week after I arrive home, the heartbreaker does. I'm out in the garden, watering my plants, when she walks by. She stops and looks at me briefly but neither of us speaks. Days go by like this, us meeting each other but neither speaking. I've finished packing and I've booked a train ticket to district 7. I don't have many memories of there so I'm hoping it will be a good, fresh start. My train leaves tomorrow. My bags are in by my front door and my fridge is empty. I haven't told Haymitch yet, I will tomorrow when I leave. If I tell him now I know that Katniss will somehow find out and yell at me. There's a knock at the door.

"Come in," I call as I take my dinner out of the microwave. When I turn around and look, it's not who I expected. It's Katniss. She looks around at my bags and empty house and puts it together.

"You're leaving." Not a question, just a simple statement.

"Yes." I bring my dinner to the dining room table and sit down.

"When?"

"Tomorrow." She stands in the archway between the kitchen and dining room. I look over her face and notice that dark bags for the first time. Has she slept at all in the past week? I worry that she's going to pass out right here and now. Then I notice her wrists, they looks like they've been cut recently. Has she been . . . no, the idea horrifies me. She tugs her sleeves down when she realizes what I'm staring at.

"And I don't suppose there's anything I can do to convince you to stay?" I shrug and eat another bite, "Well, before you go I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what I said. I do care about you, a lot. And that terrifies me. Everyone I love dies and you deserve so much better. I tried to save Prim and she . . ." she doesn't need to finish her sentence, we both know how the story ends. A tear falls down her face and I walk it over and wipe it away.

"You don't need to protect me anymore. The world is a safer place now. Because of us, you." She doesn't say anything, clearly not believing my statement. Our faces are close together, and they grow closer and closer and before we know it our lips are touching. I abruptly pull back when I realize what's happening.

"Katniss, what- . . .?" We both stare at each other, unsure of what to say, "Katniss- I . . . I can't keep doing this. You need to make up your mind." I take a step back. "You need to figure out what we are. I can't keep doing this." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I realize what I said was hard but-"

"Hard?" I laugh, "I was locked up in a padded room for hours"

"It's just, after I lost Prim I told myself I would never love someone again but with you- I can't help myself. And I'm just terrified about losing you too."

"You won't lose me, I'll always come back. But you can't keep doing this to me, Katniss. It's not fair to me. So until you decide- . . ."

"Are you still leaving tomorrow?" She asks, her voice quiet.

"I don't know." She nods slowly before excusing herself. When she's out the door the violent images start invading my mind. I reach for my pills but with my blurred vision I can't open them. Something shatters on the floor and I hear the door opening again.

"Peeta?"

"You need to leave." I breathe deeply and continue trying to twist the lid off the red pills. The bottle is grabbed from my hands and a pill is placed in my hand.

"What is it?"

"Don't know." I throw it in my mouth and swallow it, "You need to leave. I can't control myself."

"No- you're fine. I trust you." My legs give out and I sink to my knees. My hands burn and I must have put them in broken glass. The blood only worsens things, it reminds me of the Capitol.

 _Kill the mutt. The mutt's right beside you!_

My brain yells false accusations at me and it takes everything in my not to attack her. The pill must be starting to take effect because I feel tired, I have no energy to act on my impulses.

"Peeta? What's going on?"

" 'm tired." I slump against the counter, leaning on it for support.

"Are these pills new? What do they do?"

" 'ont know." Katniss pulls me against her chest and that's where I fall to sleep.

I awake in the same position only in my bedroom. I jump off her chest and I turn and look at her.

"What happened?" Her eyes slowly open and look me over before replying.

"You had an episode, at least I think you did. I helped you take one of your pills and you passed out. How do you feel?"

"Tired, and my head hurts a bit. Did I hu-"

"No, you didn't." I nod. I breathe in and out with her.

"D . . .do you want me to move?" She asks stuttering. Do I? We haven't been this close in months, except for the times I've tried to kill her of course and I decide.

"No."

 **Please review guys, reviews make me happy** **J** **We only got 4 reviews on the last chapter and our goal is still going to be 7.**

 **Question: If you were training to be an assassin, what kinds of classes or things would you be taught? Yes, there's a reason for this but it doesn't relate to this story. Help would be greatly appreciated** **J**


	24. Chapter 24

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend** **KatnissCinderTrisFaithandJune, hope you enjoy this ;)**

"-ta. Peeta." I slowly open my eyes only to see white walls, white floor and a white ceiling. No, this can't be right. White means the Capitol. This looks like my room in the Capitol but I'm home, I'm in district 12. Katniss was just sitting on my lap!

Jess is looking down at me in the bed concerned, "Earth to Peeta, is anyone home?"

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" She asks slowly.

"Where am I?"

"In your room, in the hospital, in the Capitol."

"What? No- I- I went back home. To 12." Jess slowly shakes her head.

"No, Peeta. You didn't."

"Yes I did, I was just home with Katniss, I was sitting on her lap, I'm sure of it." Jess shakes her head agin.

"You haven't been cleared to go home yet, Peeta. You're still here in the Capitol with me, where you're going to be for a very long time I imagine." She gives me an evil grin and moves in on me. That's when I scream.

 **7 Reviews and I'll post a new chapter ASAP, if we don't get 7 I'll probably update on the weekend.**


	25. Chapter 25

**13 Reviews! Wow!**

Warm, familiar hands shake me awake, "Peeta! Peeta! Wake up, it's just a dream! Not real!" My eyes shoot open and I awake in _my_ bedroom in _my_ house, in _my_ district. 12. My body shakes slightly as the nightmare fades away from my head.

" 'm sorry." Katniss shakes her head at me.

"Don't be. You worried me. I came over for breakfast and I heard you screaming." She backs away slightly, like she's intruding on my space, "I hope you don't mind." I shake my head, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No thanks." Same answer every time we ask the other if they wish to discuss their nightmares. I think we both feel as if we each have enough problems so we don't want to add to the other persons. That's how I feel at least.

I wish we lived together but I'm too scared to ask. What if it seems to forward? What if the gesture scares her off? I rather keep what minimal contact we have than lose it all entirely.

"Do you want me to come back later?" I nod slowly, I think that would be for the best. I'm not sure how safe I am to be around right now.

"Yah, you can go out hunting or whatever and I'll work on making lunch for when you get back." She nods as she sits on the edge of my bed.

"Alright, well I'll see you in a bit then."

"Ya." I stay in bed until the tremors stop tearing through my body. It's exhausting waking up like that and the days only begun. Dr. Aurelius thinks that I'm more prone to episodes when I'm tired so this is a bad start to the day.

I wash up and head down the stairs. It's already 10:30, I'm usually up at 6. The life of a baker. I block the thoughts of my family as thinking about them will just make me lose what little sanity I have left. I enter the kitchen and start grabbing ingredients to make some bread.

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

Go hunting he had told me. I haven't been out to the woods in quite a while. I think a short retreat to the woods will do me good. I grab my bow and arrows and head towards the woods. I think today I'm just going to walk, I don't feel like hunting. It's the middle or spring and summer will soon be here in district 12. I think fall is my favourite season though, I love the colours. The leaves crunching under my hunting boots, the nice colours. Hunting is best at that time.

I cross the threshold, into my sacred place and let out a sigh. Things are ok, I'm ok, Peeta is ok. We're all ok. I find a fallen log and sit down, taking in my surroundings.

~ ~ ~ (Peeta POV)

The oven dings and I hurry to grab the buns before they burn. It's always a fine line between cooked and burnt, at least that's what my father told me. I place the buns on a cooling rack and grab lunch out of the frezer: stew, made by Sae and warmed up by me. I dump the cold contents into a pot and turn the stove on.

I wonder if Katniss took my advice and actually went out hunting, with me being in the Capitol she hasn't been to them in a while. The stew warms up as I ponder my relationship with the mysterious Katniss, what are we even? Acquaintances? Friends? More than friends? Are we lovers still? I'm not sure and I really don't feel like asking out of fear of having my heart broken. Again. I'm not sure if my heart can endure being broken again. But I need to know.

Todays the day I decide, I will ask her at lunch what the two of us are.

"Peeta?"

"In the kitchen!" I call. I place the buns on a plate and spoon stew into two bowls and place them on the table. I can't wait for Katniss to see what I've made for her. She comes in wearing her hunting jacket and boots, that must be a good sign, right?

"Did you go hunting?"

"No, I went to the woods but didn't hunt." She shrugs. I nod.

"That's good still."

"Yah." She sits across from me at the table, "So, what's for lunch?"

"I heated up some stew Sae made and I made you cheese buns." I smile proudly at myself.

"Cheese buns? Those are my favourite!" She exclaims excitedly before stuffing one in her face. The gooey, still warm cheese centre spills out onto her chin and I find myself grinning. She swallows. "You remembered they were my favourite?!"

"Yah," I nod proudly, "I thought you would enjoy some."

"Well you were right!" She exclaims before stuffing another one in. There is a comfortable silence for a few minutes but it stretches out and things start to turn awkward. Better now than never I guess.

"Katniss, there's something I wa- need to ask you." I look up at her from my lap, where she looks slightly concerned.

"Sure." She says, swallowing some of the stew.

"I-," no- that's the wrong way to start that. I need to just say it and get it done, "What are we? Friends? Are we lovers? What?" She puts her spoon down and wipes her face with her napkin.

"I-." She stops herself, maybe she's just as confused as me.

"I need to know Katniss, I- I just need to know." There's so much more I want to tell her but I can't. Not yet, not without knowing what her answer will be.

"Why don't we start as friends and see where things go from there?" I smile. That sounds good. No acting, no pretending just being.

"That sounds good Katniss, really good." We smile at each other and finish dinner in peace.

 **I have an idea I want to run by you guys. What do you think of me ending a chapter where you guys pick what happens, here's an example: Peeta has a flashback, should Katniss stay or go? You guys would vote in your review and whichever got the most votes is how the next chapter would start. Like the idea? Nah? Let me know!**


	26. Chapter 26

Of course, nothing gold can stay. Dinner goes well but I wake up at midnight when I hear screams from the house across from mine. I attach my prosthetic, slip on my slippers and hurry out of the house. I run across the path that connects our two houses and enter hers. Thankfully her door is unlocked.

"Katniss?!" I call but there's no response, she's still caught in her dream. I run up the stairs and throw open the door to her room. She's tangled in the blankets from all her tossing and turning.

"Katniss?" I shake her softly, trying to pull her from her dreams, "Katniss, wake up." She doesn't wake up but she calms when I talk to her. What would she think if I slept beside her? She said last night we should start off as friends, is it normal for friends to sleep together? When her screams start up again I can't help myself, I climb in beside her and pull her tight against my chest.

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

I wake up feeling like I had a nightmare but I can't remember. I can always remember. I roll over to find I am not alone in bed, Peeta lays beside me. Peeta?! I'm instantly awake as I look him over, when did he get here? I sure don't remember him coming over. He's still sleeping and looks relaxed, happy even. I wish I had the courage to ask him to move in with me but I don't. I'm not sleeping and I wake up more tired than when I go to bed. I wrap myself in his arms, I might as well enjoy this time I have with him.

~ ~ ~ (Peeta)

When I wake up Katniss is still with me. I run a finger over her cheek softly and smile. Once again, I'm wishing I could live in this moment. Just stay here, forever. She stretches out and soon shell be awake. Should I leave before she wakes up or stay?

 **Vote guys! Should Peeta stay or go?**

 **Suggestions guys? Having a bit of writer's block**


	27. Chapter 27

I can't leave her, not after all I've fought against to stay with her. Her eyes squint before opening. She looks me over, confused.

"When did you get here?"

"In the middle of the night, I heard you screaming way over at my place and I had to do something. I- I can go if you want." I pull the covers off of me but a warm arm is placed on my hand.

"Don't. You can stay, thank you for helping me in the night." She smiles at me softly and I smile back. I remember when there was a time not too long ago where I feared that smile. Instead of having normal teeth, Katniss had her teeth sharpened like Enorboria, for me. She wanted to kill me.

I roll over and bury my head in the pillow, wishing for the dark memories to go away but of course they don't.

"Katniss-" I only manage to say her name before another awful memory assaults me. I'm strapped to a metal table as a video of Katniss plays.

Gale and her are in the woods, where they think they're safe from the prying eyes of the Capitol. Only they're wrong. The two of them are sitting on a log as they make out. Gale pulls away to speak.

"Is this wrong? I mean, with everything that's going on with Peeta. . ."

"Peeta?" She laughs, "Gale, there is nothing going on with Peeta. I used him to survive in the arena. That was it, we aren't star crossed lovers. I love _you_." He smiles and kisses her again.

I'm aware of how hard I'm breathing as I awaken from the flashback.

"You love me? Real or not real?"

"Peeta-"

"You love Gale? Real or not real?"

"Not real." I look around the room confused, not understanding what she's saying. So she doesn't love Gale but she doesn't love me either? Is there someone else? Some other man in her life?

"You love someone else, real or not real?"

"Not real."

"So you love me: real or not real?" I look up at her face and stare into her grey eyes, eyes that have seen too much.

"Real."

Sorry for the long wait guys. School has been crazy as has my family life. I'd love to hear suggestions or get feedback. Thanks again and merry Christmas (or whatever you may celebrate!) :)


	28. Chapter 28- Note

Hey guys, happy new years! I still have 3 and a half hours left of 2015. It's been a pretty crappy year for me and I'm hoping for 2016 to be a fresh start! Now, onto the story! School and just personal things have really gotten me down and writing has been hard lately. That said, I am NOT going to be stopping the story, I just need your guys' help, think you can do that!? All I'm asking is for you to please comment your suggestions for where you would like the story to go, what you would like to see things like that. Any kind of suggestions really! Thanks guys, I really hope to post again soon! :)

Happy new years!


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey guys, sorry for the long wait! Life has just been crazy lately and not in a good way. Thanks to Butterfly Phantomette for the suggestion** **J**

The next few days past uneventfully. Katniss and I fall back into our routine. However, that routine is changed one day when I get an unexpected visitor while Katniss is out in the woods. There's a knock at the door and I invite the person is, assuming its Haymitch. It definitely isn't. Delly stands in the foyer of my house.

"Delly?!" I exclaim, jumping off the couch to greet her. The last time I saw her was in district 13 before I was shipped off to the Capitol. She hadn't liked that I was going and had even fought Coin against it but in the end it didn't make a difference. She smiles.

"Hey Peeta, you're looking a lot better." Of course, the last time Delly saw me I was in a psychotic flashback.

"Feeling much better too," I smile at her, "Can I get you anything?"

"Oh no, I'm fine thanks." I invite her to sit on the couch with me. She sits beside me and we start chatting.

~ ~ ~ (Katniss POV)

I let my arrow fly and it pierces the heart of a squirrel, perching on a tree branch. It falls down and I stuff it in my game bag. The sun shines down hard and I decide it's time to head back home. I shift the bag on my shoulder as I duck under the fence. I jog back to town and open my front door, that's when I see it. I gasp and run back out as a familiar voice calls my name.

~ ~ ~ (Back to Peeta POV)

Delly and I chat, about our new lives, then the topic changes to something darker.

"I'm so sorry for what happened, Peeta, you lost your entire family."

"You lost family too, Delly." She nods and takes a deep, shaky breath, "I miss them Peeta. I miss them so much." Tears start falling from her face as she leans her face into my chest. Her sobbing intensifies and I wrap a hand around her head.

"I know Delly." That's when the door opens and Katniss walks in. There's a look of shock on her face and I don't even have time to call her name before she's once again disappeared.

 **I'm so sorry this took so long and is so badly written! Life has been hectic**


	30. Chapter 30

"Katniss! Katniss wait!" I run out after her but with my prosthetic leg she easily gets away. I try to follow what I think are her footprints but I end up going in circles. When I frantically return to my house I'm alone, Delly must have seen herself out, but without anyone to keep me company my mind goes to the worst possible place.

Is Katniss ever coming back? What if she gets hurt again? Should I go looking for or let her have time to cool down? Why does she even need time to cool down, I did nothing wrong! Right? She just happened in at the wrong time.

I realize I've been passing around the kitchen back and forth, back and forth. My mind goes to that dark place and I throw myself to the ground, clawing at my face hoping I can avoid falling into the hijacking. It's too little too late.

After walking around the woods for a couple hours and it starts to get dark I realize I should get back to my house. Peeta will probably be worried. Peeta. I don't know what I'm feeling for him right now. I shouldn't judge what was happening without knowing the whole story but that's just how I am, quick to judge I guess.

By the time I arrive back in victors village the sun has nearly set. Most of the lights in the house are off and I enter without knocking.

"Peeta?" I call. There's no answer. He must have gone to bed early and I head upstairs to check. When the bed's empty I start to panic, "Peeta? Peeta?!" And just like that I'm jolted back to the games. To that last night where I lost him and wouldn't see him again for months. I search the rest of the upstairs rooms and can't find him so I head back down.

I spot a dark form laying on the kitchen floor and turn the lights on. Part of me is relieved to have found but another part is worried, why is he on the floor? I kneel down beside him to find his face is scratched, as are his arms. I try to wake him but with no luck. He must be exhausted. He's usually like this after-

After an episode. Peeta must have had an episode when I left. When I left or because I left? I'm not sure if I should try to take him upstairs by myself or if I should get Haymitch to help and make sure everything is safe . . .

 **Will hopefully update again end of this week or next as I'm off school a bunch**

 **Please vote for what you want to happen, I have plans for both, one is better than the other so think it through ;)**


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